Different people feel anxious about different things. Whatever the situation, however, it may be because of the same reason. They feel they have little ability to control the outcome of the situation.
Different people manage their feelings in different ways in such circumstances. Some people choose to follow the applying themselves properly approach rather than the anxious approach.
Imagine that you want to follow this route in your own way. This often involves taking the following steps.
You can focus on a specific activity you want to pursue;
You can build on what you can control and set achievable goals;
You can apply yourself properly and do your best to achieve the goals.
You can follow this approach in two kinds of situations. Let’s explore how to take these steps.
Applying yourself properly when
you have little control in a situation
What are the situations where you feel anxious because you have little control of the outcome? One person answered this question in the following way.
“I like to feel in control, which is something I do in most of my life and work. There are times, however, when I feel anxious because there is little I can do to affect the outcome.
“These situation range from the sublime to the ridiculous. I sometimes feel anxious about serious things – such as climate change, wars and injustice across the planet.
“Then I feel anxious about ridiculous things I cannot affect. It sounds crazy for somebody who is supposed to be focusing on the important things in life, but I get upset if my favourite football team is losing.”
Imagine that you want to manage your feelings in a situation where you have little control. If appropriate, you can take the following steps.
You can choose to channel your energy into an activity that you find rewarding. This could involve throwing yourself into gardening, cooking, helping people, writing an article or doing another activity.
You can set an achievable specific goal. This could involve aiming to complete a piece of work, paint a picture, play a sport, write a blog post, spend time with a friend or achieve another aim.
You can then absorb yourself in the task. This could involve applying yourself properly, following principles that work and doing your best to achieve the picture of success.
People who take this approach realise they are focusing on an activity where they feel in control rather than the one where they don’t. They are also following rules that they know work and can achieve success.
Such people also realise they are distracting themselves, but sometimes this is okay. They recognise the old rule that ‘what you focus on you become’.
They choose to focus on doing an activity that may give them pleasure and achieve positive results. They take this approach rather than worrying about something they can’t control.
Applying yourself properly when
you have some control in a situation
What are the situations where you may feel anxious but you may have some elements of control? Different people give different answers to this question. One person explained their approach in the following way.
“I had some control over my emotions when having radiotherapy for cancer. Whilst I could not control the outcome, I aimed to do something each day that gave me positive energy.
“This gave me the strength to come through the radiotherapy programme. And, fortunately, the wonderful treatment cleaned up the cancer.”
Another person explained how they aimed to build on what they could control when facing possible redundancy. They explained this in the following way.
“The company I worked for had issued several profit warnings. The CEO tried to reassure people but there were many warning signs. Bearing this in mind, I began working on contingency plans.
“I focused on people I had worked with before and researched the kind of challenges their companies faced. The next step was to contact them and share ideas I had seen work when tackling such challenges.
“This led to two offers of doing contract work. I am a risk averse person, but it seemed a greater risk to stay with the failing company. And, sure enough, the company went under.
“I took a contract for six months with one of my old bosses. This eventually led to an offer of a full-time job and I am now enjoying the work. But I have learned it is important to have other potential options.”
Different people choose different ways to deal with anxiety in different situations. One approach is for them:
To focus on a specific activity they want to pursue;
To build on what they can control and set achievable goals;
To apply themselves properly and do their best to achieve the goals.
Let’s return to your own life. Can you think of a situation where you may want to follow elements of this approach? How can you do this in your own way?
If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.
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