Different people follow different scripts in their lives. Some may follow positive scripts, some may follow negative scripts. The scripts they choose to follow can have consequences for themselves and other people.
Bearing this in mind, sometimes it can be worth exploring the old question regarding our daily conversations with people. This is:
“Who is the person you have the most conversations with?”
The answer is, of course, yourself. A person may have multiple conversations going on inside their head but there may be certain themes to which they keep returning. These themes can become positive or negative scripts.
A person with a positive script may keep saying:
“I want to do my best in life.”
A person with a negative script may keep saying:
“Why do these things always happen to me?”
The idea of scripting became popular in the 1960s. Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis, explained that individuals learn life scripts that act like an internal programme.
Parents and teachers play a strong part in the scripts that people internalise. Imagine if you grew in an environment where the key messages were either:
“Be kind to other people and become the best you can be.”
Or:
“Life is a competition and you always need to win.”
A person can get to a point in life, however, where they choose to create their own scripts. They may do this after encountering a difficult situation or deciding they want to take more control of their life.
When writing their own script it is vital for them to keep one thing in mind.
They need to focus on the things they can control rather than the things they can’t control.
Imagine that you are a sports psychologist who is helping an athlete. They often get to the final of events and then fall apart. They may have two contradictory messages going through his head. These may be:
“I must try to win but I am bound to lose.”
Some people may advise such a person to believe in themselves. They may advise them to keep saying:
“I am going to win.”
This may or may not work. One challenge, however, is that such an approach is focusing on something the athlete cannot control. Another approach is to invite the athlete:
To focus on what they can control … To write a script they believe in … To then do their best to follow this mantra.
Bearing this in mind, the athlete may say something like:
“I am going to aim to flow rather than freeze.”
People who write their own scripts also shape their mental model – the way they perceive life. This often influences the running commentary they may have inside their head. Such people sometimes take the following steps when working through this approach.
They create a positive script they want to follow;
They take practical steps to translate this into action;
They take time to pause – especially when things get tough – and revisit their positive script.
Different people develop positive scripts in different ways. During the 1970s I attended several workshops where people learned how to rewrite their own scripting.
Each person considered the main positive and negative messages they were given by their mother and father. These messages could have been spoken or unspoken – such as in the way their parents behaved towards them.
One person wrote two messages they were given by their parents. These were:
“Keep working hard but you will never be as good as your sister.”
As a result, the person had developed the habit of thinking:
“Whatever I do, it will never be good enough.”
During the workshop they learned that their parents probably wanted to do the best for them. Unfortunately some parents have good intentions but poor communication. This can confuse children and leave them with negative scripts.
Bearing this in mind, the person decided to rewrite the messages they had internalised. They chose to write:
“Keep working hard and become the best you can be.”
People often follow their own belief systems. This is a key point to bear in mind when aiming to create a positive script. A person can learn from their positive history and take the following steps when facing a challenge.
They can clarify a specific situation in the past when they tackled a similar challenge successfully.
They can clarify the principles they followed then and – and how they translated these into action – to tackle the challenge successfully.
They can clarify how they can follow these principles – plus maybe add other skills – to tackle the present challenge successfully.
The person can then translate the principles they want to follow into a positive script. Some people turn their scripts into mantras they use to remind them of certain beliefs.
A person may then keep reminding themselves of this positive script – or mantras – when doing their best to tackle a challenge. Here are some examples of the things they may say to themselves.
You can choose your attitude … You can encourage other people … You can stay calm … You can see things in perspective … You can always give your best.
Let’s return to your own life. Looking ahead, can you think of a script you may want to follow in the future? If appropriate, start by brainstorming the phrases you can say to yourself. You can then settle on a positive script you believe in.
Sometimes you may hit difficulties or get blown off-course. It can then be useful to buy time, pause and revisit your positive script. You can then aim to follow it in the future.
If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.
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